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36 Year of my Life
with updated for 37-38 and possibly of 39
By Michael J. Gulde or Space or Spaceacer_mjg
I been trying to make a website/ computer Support Business @ Spacesbox.com witch failed to grow into something because of not having plan of action and big client list. I did have a few and they were great clients but no referrals. I decided to move on and try to find work from the Amarillo area then was asked to go move to California and look for work and possibly help my sister’s uncle with rehabilitation. I was going broke and didn’t have any jobs here so I decided I would travel to San Diego and help him. I got there and was picked up at the Airport. He showed me with his nethew the city on the way to his home. I realized; I was over packed for the trip. I was caring three bags containing various stuff from computer repair equipment to clothes and coat and Tie’s. I was given the opportunity to drive his car and get groceries, cook dinners and help around the house. His nephew usually helped occasionally with driving but he was going out for a trip the next month. I applied to various jobs online and in person. I talked to real-estate Company and various temporary companies in San Diego Area. I just didn’t seem to land that job I wanted. I continued to help around the house and take my him to his various appointments. We occasionally dine out instead of eating my cooking. I really didn’t do allot cooking before this adventure so I tried to learn the basics of cooking, a little stir frying and grill some chicken and meats on barbecue. I did not like fish and sea food but he did.. I could not prepare it very well so he ate it microwave dishes. I was prepared to try and cook it. I helped paint a few things too around the house. I spray painted the black rod iron outdoor furniture glossy black paint as he requested. He paid for groceries and work done on his house or furniture. He became like a uncle to me.
I didn’t really know, how blessed I was by having a place to stay and car to use. Before, I left Amarillo to San Diego my car was having various problems and I decided that I would leave it behind my step-mom/father house. She was nice enough to let me park it there. It was a GMC Jimmy and a gas guzzler 13- to 17 mph per gal. (I was fortune not have driven it because gas prices will go to record levels all over the country at this time 2008). It had a radiator problem. It also needed tags for inspection, state and insurance will expire when I am in California. I loaded all my belonging into storage in storage place in Amarillo also before I left.
My uncle had some guests coming to visit on 4th of July and did not need my help so he asked that I find some place to stay and return and get job quickly. Unfortunately I did not get to meet them. I talked to my Uncle and Aunt that lived in Carl’s Bad Ca. Area and they so happen were going to Wedding July 4 Week of 2008 and I could come and House Sit for them over the 4th when they were gone. I was blessed again and didn’t know it. I applied to various jobs and set an interviews up while there. I traveled up to my sisters to be with family on the 4th. My sister’s uncle decided that I wasn’t need after his family had visited so he E-mailed my sister to tell her that I was not return to his place and to look for work not in his area. I help one of my sister’s friends with packing her mom up for her move to Colorado from California. I doing the gig to pay back my sister’s uncle for paying my storage fee’s back in Amarillo. I mailed him a thank you and funds that I borrowed and still owe for Audi Key and remote that didn’t make it back from the beach on one of my travels or possibly left in house or in Audi.
I talked to my sister and she decided that I would look for work in her area of California. She lives near Los Angles. But first I traveled back to Carl’s Bad; it was kind of like a forced visit. I talked my uncle about enable vs. helping people and employment Issues. I was there then when they were back at work and they had various plans. They were very nice and let me know about having a grandfather that served in Civil War in 1860’s. I ate with them and even was able to stir fry meat and vegetable dish that I had cooked for my sisters’ uncle. My Uncle also talked to me about health and fitness; and that causing problems finding work being that I was overweight by few pounds then. He told me what HR/CEO’s wanted to see. An example is a Strong and Vital Employee: Go Getter. I would later read a book on this subject Title: Millionaire in the Mirror .
I worked very hard on trying to find work near my sister’s house. I went to and took courses regarding work and job placement at chrysalis per my sister request. I meet a few guys there one that looked everywhere to get a job doing Air conditioning and another that wanted use the system so he could spend time with his family. I talked to advertising agency and temp company in Los Angeles Area. I was offered another temp job with another friend of my sisters moving his house belonging from his house to another house so he could bulldoze his old house and rebuild (Land Property in California is EXPENSIVE. Example: Nearer to Beach the more the VALUE. SO any house within say 6 miles of beaches kept value mostly..) He told me about family and sales business. His Wife worked for Airlines. Their kids were future rock stars / Musicians and aspiring theater actress. I meet with Man at my sister’s church. We talked about finding work and taking care of myself Physically, Spiritually and Mentally. He told me not to neglect myself and take some time to enjoy myself between looking for work and interviews. He also checked the spelling and the references of my resume. He found few things that I missed. He also mention to get bicycle and transport myself faster using the bike versus Bus system/ Rail System connections their. I remember how I liked how the bus systems had Bike Carriers on the almost all buses their so you could take yourself part way by pedal and rest of way with bus… I also watched my sister house when they left for trip they had planned before my some family left to college. I also volunteered to watch another friend’s house while they went on trip and their family’s animals. During this time; I took a chance and went try -out for show with money filled cases and didn’t get on it. They thought I was homeless or not of much interest; I later sent a thank you note to cast agent that sent out the E-mail on Craig-list- It was experience. I went to Improv acting school and had some fun there also. I also was lucky to help a client of mine to developed website for her Business and she helped me throughout this period couple of hours every other month with work on project of hers she was good to me.. I traveled back to La Film School and regretted not trying going when I had funds a few years earlier when I was blessed with the finances but too lazy to get it done. On a side note: I really love TV shows and Films and creative person by my actions so I thought film might be a calling. I had a test to measure my job skills that maybe the practice of law might also be a calling, too. After month and week my sister asked that I find place other to stay or go back to Amarillo witch was “home” for many years or find a place there. I traveled back to Amarillo in Aug of 08.
After, getting back to Amarillo, I got put up in Motel 6 and later found a place at The Salvation Army, hang out at Resource Center, and lunches at The Cross or The Mission. I did really want to go there but I didn’t want to be enabled by staying with family after my talk with my uncle earlier that summer. I also did not want to get “put out” either or put my family members through that stresses of me being another mouth to feed, transportation and ect. I also didn’t want to force visit on anyone. This way; I thought they could offer and stay; sure I stay or just visit… ECT. I went to Workforce Solutions — Texas Workforce Center and looked for work the next day after returning to Amarillo. I later applied and got food stamps and with that got help from Work Force solutions got bus fair. You have to jump through the government hoops to get tools to fix your life or I did to fix mine. I learned to jump. I look for next month and was lucky and found a job. It was with great company with Team sells approach. I was hired seasonal and heard others making it to management there. I sold stuff and used the income to buy some stuff for the guys back at Salvation Army and pay for my car to pass inspection and Insurance and got new radiator so my car wouldn’t freeze when driving around the cold roads of Texas panhandle. The Buses were slow many stops I was glad to drive. I got also blessed when I got a job; I transferred from being a client to being in the outgoing program at Salvation Army. The outgoing program is for people to find work and get out of the Salvation Army. I also got blessed in way because now I able give back. I had morning chore of cleaning the bathroom floors and later showers. If I was there at dinner I help clean up after dinner. If I was there at lunch I helped clean up. It was like living with family. I got to know a lot guys that had similar situations and problems and some with either drug or liquor/beer addiction or both addictions that they were fighting and winning with help from God, Jesus and friends and classes from Salvation Army. They had few bad apples but like all bad apples they later got kicked out for doing drugs or alcohols or fights or going crazy or arrested for mental illness or played good. I got to learn a card game called spades and also spades with deuces wild. I got to go to bible study and learn things that I hadn’t early in life and was given time to look into. I had opportunities see people change their lives. . I later celebrated: Thanks Giving, Christmas and New Years there. I read subject Title: Millionaire in the Mirror while i was here also at this time. I saw guys go out in bad weather to work as bell ringers . They pass out the message Merry Christmas and bring donations in to help the Salvation Army. I noticed how they took care of themselves to look proper and respectful in public eye. I helped a few put minutes on their phones which they had paid for with Bell Ringer funds from their work. But after the New Year Jan 2009; I had new challenges affected my life. I got laid off and had to find another job quick. I later asked for extension more time (now, I was the last one left in outgoing program (Witch I wished they would still have because it helped me and it could help others.) to find a job and later was lucky and found one. I was blessed with another after month and hare of extensive job search but my extension was out so I had to get out of Salvation Army March of 08; I moved hotel and lived in my car a little tell I could figure out my finances.
It funny; how it’s fun to be out alone again not to have rules per say but then after a few weeks it kind of sucks. I miss doing my chores and community of guys to hang out with play cards and talk about days problems. I didn’t realized how blessed I was have a support system in place. Also how much food and housing cost. Church on Sunday and later having dinner at the shelter. It was kind of nice sometime not having to think of what to do next. The cook did miracles with what he had and what he made with the food. I later thought on food vs. gas vs. place to stay vs. insurance vs. other bills. My sister let me borrow some funds on week of Birthday. She offered to let me stay at her house but I need to be out and on my own on my birthday; I guess self independence (How you live Birthday is how you are going to live your year of life, read it somewhere a while back that why I send Birthday cards and ect..) I later moved into friend’s apartment after he kick out his roommate for no payment of rent so I help a little with bills and stayed tell end month. I later found a cheap apartment that my part-time job can provide for. I try to work really hard for and provide great service for my employers. I am not check receiver: I work for living.
Not that getting a check is bad i just don’t get one. There are people that do deserve a check for medical, Physical or Mental reasons more on this on update.
On the side Note:
I could have came back as a client but the client options at salvation army have changed for not so worst but more strict; better than most places but worst if you been there as long as I and few others I knew there also. When I came in they would let you stay free 15 days and then pay $5 a day till you got 60 days then stay 15 free again.. You could bring your bag and let them keep it for the night and take a locker there and leave it with stuff left their not having to clean it out daily what keep my sanity initially. They did have weather days later, where; if you had day the weather was less than 32 degrees you could stay there and not lose any of your days. You had to go to resource center and not stay in building other than the days the weather was so bad that the roads were closed and no one could leave. Weather days were not affected by the 60 day policy. They had changes the first of January they changed it to total of 60 days per year or 30 plus a day break then another 30 days continues days. If you left or broke up your days then you lost the them. My problem was they had set hours to let you in and out and if you were not in a program you could not get in other than those set hours. So no working late ECT… You also lost bringing in your bag also and your locker could only be used daily or your stuff would be donated if left in it. They wanted it as an emergency shelter not a hotel. I was sorry for guys that worked day labor and just could not make the money that is required to pay rent for an apartment or home. Some of guys got government checks and they needed to get place away from S.A. but few really needed the $5 day and income couldn’t hurt S.A. I thought.
Next Side Note:
I placed some links to content that i created at this time. Firefox, Opera, Google Chrome or Apple Safari is required!
Update(1)09-28-2009: I am now in my own place and doing well after 6 months. I constantly ask what people do or what they want to do so to research what my next steps to take also read a lot self help books because I think “they can help you”. I also by my reading stuff in books or off the Internet or New Stands: I send “Thank You notes to those I think deserve it for whatever reason I deem it interesting.” I got this from Dale Cardinany Book How to Win Friends and Influence People like I have any Influence.. I rewrote this entire article also.
Update(2)03-02-2010:I been working for a year now and been out of the Shelter for about a year. It been a great year for the most part and I had the opportunity to work with some great people. I even made employee of month one month. I try to do a great job and work very hard to please my boss and other employees. I want to make them (friends,family, customers ect) proud of me. I really haven’t share my story with them. I really appricate my customers and treat them very good so that we can win market share and repeat customer is job security. I also ask them about thier business so to be able to recommend things to the customer too. I do wonder if i sold all my stuff in storage and broken car when i got back to amarillo would i have been in the shelter and I think in all cases i do think i probly have been there. Just car less and i don’t know if it would happer my succeeding. I think that you can control your future and with God, Jesus and Holy Spirt, You can be successful and being stuborn also sometimes helps.
I appreciate the friends that i meet there Kenny,David, Rick, Derrick, Steven, Jack, Andra,Kyle, Frankie and others. But as things change and people change or moved on to new frontiers and others stay help those like me and others. I even tried to help some of guys with rides to work and back to S.A. and even later with transport from his new apt to work ect. I felt like i was giving back in someway. They helped me pay for gas,food ect. and that really helped me. I do and did really appreciate it. I had a few problems with some of my friends and so we decided/needed to go our own separate paths but I still call most of them as friends and I am very proud of them as a group. Most are/were working in career or are working or drawling disability or are in the process of changing their lives for the better.
I even meet a guy that was living on street recently that is now running one of dorms at shelter since he complete his program at another shelter down the street. I very happy for his life change.
Update (3) jan 5, 2011
I now been at work for almost 2 years. I made it through Christmas Rush, just to find out January rush might be faster pace then the holidays. I really wanted to attend CES 2011 this week but i failed to plan out the trip and money for it as well. Over all work has been good. Social life sucks no relationships other than just friendships. I tried to go out dance on Sat at local bar. I got closer to people at work all pretty much stand up people. Last year, I took help from friend to pay some my bills ( internet / storage and helping him download content to his smartphone) over the past year so with great power comes responsibly. I learned that this friend was living in hotel and i helped him with getting groceries (he had food stamps i just made sure he got them…) He later paid for extra pair of glasses and the hotel kicked him out and i even took him to my apartment and let him stay for 3 painful weeks. His disability got to me a little plus constant being broke. I cooked and made sure we both ate well. later, i found and I got him into a nice new apartment. He says his holy spirit did it and god (I think its possibility) and later even decided to join him in apartment at the same complex with free cable TV. (Hey, i was sold going from swamp cooler to central heating and air. My old apartment was constant 80+ or so degrees and now is in 70’s. My old appartment land lord was good man and he had over 140 apartments. Now back to my story — The cost was about the same. I think god blessed me maybe for helping him letting me get this place. I took it my responsibility then to make sure when he got his disability check now that he pay rent and get food on first for next 5 months. We had more issues but i can’t speak about it but i am still making sure he taken care of in place to stay and food and phone but sometimes its close to hell and sometimes i avoided him like the plaque and others times he good to be around and others its actually nice to be his friend. We are strickly friends but there are times i want to never have borrowed anything because of the responsibility it has brought into my life. They are like my family and some of people i worked with are too. I still call those guys my friends but one is my best friend because he is there when i need him and i try to be there for him but there are time i stay away because his old addictions make be concerned and other days he makes me very proud of him. He done on his own. He going back to school. My old landlord made me think about think about Real Estate and properties and tax lean investing. I also meet a couple that own a local pizza franchise and more than few customers at work that owned a profitable business or franchise. I see customer service/sales at job one. If you can give great customer service or great sales then you can succeed.
I see a few people i knew and others i didn’t know out on street. Sometimes walking to work. Some will not change and the street life is for them. Some, its there disability makes them that way and some its pure laziness. Still others is just bad luck and karma. I know a few that i think do try and try and then succeed. I still proud of them. Still others, I don’t feel for and have choose to walk away from and move on with my life. You have it want it and need it willing it to succeed and that all i have to say. Belief in God or Jesus or Holy Spirit can help or Belief in something higher (name a religion or atheistic beliefs but challenge yourself and never quit like a character i read in cartoon call Naruto. I personally pray every-night for success for those i knew and those i will meet tomorrow and were i worked and will work in the future. If you read all of this thanks and have a great life. My life is still a challenge for me hope its one for you too. Good luck and May the Holy trinity bless you all.
Last update or 6/15/2017
I helped david out got him apartment 2011 across the way at med. Med was nice apartment building. He got my help to get him food and ect. I made it point to show up on payday and get him to pay rent and pay for food.
He couldn’t control his spending so he got told by social security that he is required to have a payee. He wanted his sister to do it. She was not interested. She and david were in long distance relationship. I later became his payee. I tried to control his spending but he went behind my back and bought stuff on credit or service contract and later tried to hit me and I gotten tired of it so i quit his payee and he found another but i still felt responsible for him. His new payee was all nice at beginning but then got him kicked out of med and then into a new apartment and kicked out there and then he was homeless again. She was getting his money and did not give it to him. I was sadden that he didn’t get it. He went to jail for trust passing because he got kick out of both shelters in amarillo. He later got out jail and get got back into Salvation Army. He had a brain bleed there was sent to hospital. He later got moved into a nursing home. I visited there and through alot stress got a disability.
I worked for Office Depot for 4 years. I got a series of bad surveys and I lost my job. I got a mental disability while working for Office Depot. I also did not get my vacation pay. I have not been in that store except dropping off uniforms. I became homeless overnight. I could renew my apartment with no money but my family relationships had changed and my brother let me stay with him in Denver. He was into fitness and work ethic. I lasted for 9months,then I stayed a few months with Dad and Stepmom. I then stayed with my sister 3 days and got into Friendship Shelter Inc. in laguna Beach. I started calling to get put on list three months earlier. I looked for jobs, i volunteered at Library and did my chores. I was accepted into housing program and still in it. I got a male roommate that stole my food or had me supply him with food. He got moved. I then got a female roommate and she nicer to live with. I got my disability from SS and work part time job. I work for food and I don’t want to be homeless again. My dad died last week. I decided that it was time for this story to come out because most people i care for knows.
my records only and can be published to spacesbox or web without consent from michael gulde (949)42h-elp6
This is the first few months of my disability.
from this section here ————————————————
update #4 4/2/2011
This is work in progress.
this copyright by Michael G
i say candail good
comes out cardail evil noise
i say candail evil
comes out cardail good noise
relates to family and work
i say i am in middle
it comes out i in middle
i think i am a happy
it say i am happy
acts like lie detector
what is happienss
not worring about money
do like my apart clean
i really don’t care about being clean
i love my family
i really love my family
i really love my self
i really love my self
i love my pc
i look at it i think its a pices of shit
did david do this to me
david did not do this
am i straight
i am straight and gay leaning
i like having my penis suck
i like having my penis sucked
i like like big boobs
i like boob jobs
what can i make money
i don’t know
can i be a manager
i think i be a manaagerr
i think i can be a lawyer
i don’t know if i can handle it.
i like joe wok
i love joe wok
i think joe as uncle
i think joe as uncle but used me
is why my mind broke because
could not make desions no
gave money to poor no
work at offce depot no respect no
respect from bos from kirk yes
i like kirk as boss yes
me myself confrol voice memory
michael joesph gulde control manager of me myself and michael joesph gulde
do me and myself reconize michael joesph gulde as controling manager? no
was there more maybe
we don’t don’t want to be gay
we don’t want this to be seen
work or money to take care of work
entertainment yes and no
do me and myself want control
are me and myself the same
i am tired of being alone
me and mysef are angy about being left at sally
so is mig
me and myself don’t want to forgive family about leaving at sally
emiontion break down
being left a sally
abandon by family
not making money
by michael joesph gulde forgeting who we are
what are we?
love our family
love our good friends that sober and not using and even dricking but not dwi drinking
how can we come to agreement
we want to stay out. to know you would go back on your word
we don’t want you to be nasty
what is nasty?
being nasty to not being clean
we want to be differnt people
we don’t want your family
we don’t want any family
i am not of you and not of them , me and myself 5 or more
michael joesph gulde controling all 5
michael joesph gulde controling force out 5 would fight for power
they don’t like being controled by my family or friends.
loop is also part of my break
loop of stuff
being happy then negative
was this a regliious experience
no this was a emiional breakage
Brain Strorming on week before this date.
Heaven sent -workers? Need to think about this
d sent -workers? Need to think about this
how all churches in heaven are connected
how a contract is written
how a contract is written with D
and how we all have contracts if we earn a living and use a phone ect and how he used that to say D has that as one of our contracts and we get sent to hell for that (i think false but think it was scary).
how we can grandfather ours self in and change our contract with help from Jesus or a Jew.
how even D might know a little surprises J might make in our life
transportation to and from my car and religious locations ?
Teleportation to and from my car for Heaven sent and to do jobs
D lawyer in hell helping Insontes get from burning in hell
work in office depot in my dreams
getting thrown into pit of fire and maybe taking d with me.
Me watching Bleach, Naruto, Kakyi and how fight and wars happen there.
Swakska in japan in for good thing vs n meaning something else and how some people take good thing and make it into a bad thing. Hindo, Taoism, japan use of it as positive.
researching scickofrina for friend and how sometimes research can effect the person doing the research.
family in H or d looking down on you.
Praying for animals, insects vs humans vs reincarnation
Using the bible to make spirits or negative thought and feeling go away
d lawyer and contract both sides
other worlds controlled by G,D, J ( or good and bad)
bear getting a bible and choosing a distant planet FReg and recarnation
and thinking that was funny (and bear thinking it was funny but freg being a little perterb and wanting to slow down the learning process of be reincarnated there.
Deleting of stuff that does no good intention naughty clips and other crap
praying for women and others on interenet is a good thing and hoping that they smile
how signature is more than a signature but not really sometime it is what it is.
the power of defending someone you love is a good thing from ( naruto-will of fire)
or protecting family even if its on another world or is a v or d is good thing even if seen there as bad thing and help from J and his Dad man
dreams you have at night.
Rest and dreaming and stress
Going throught life as as dr. son and looking a drugs and prescritions and mental illness and b/p, sugar control, kidneys bows and ect and not trusting stand of care.
A and d and and voice sounded like clergy at my church and how both could use the same voice for positive and negative. Its all in your mind. What you believed is and what really is and you can make things real but noise is noise and nothing more. Listen to you heart.
David H was “friend” need to ask i can use David to replace name friend with.
I was hearing things while writing this also. I may be going to see a specialist or E.R. when done or never or if get worst. I was hoping by writing some else my find my ways of doing this help them and if you are having this i recommend seeing a doctor but if you have issues trusting doctors maybe a priest, Rabi, Nature-path Doctor or all above or it might go away on its own.
If your in pain go to E.R. but for me its mostly annoying, time consuming or massaging.
I was hoping they would go away it been about a week or so. I been able to deal with it because
I believe Jesus might have plan i write this. and maybe Devil or worker does too or
maybe a person (say a Saint or someone in heaven or hell or both working for a common good a change in me. I did not think i needed praying for before this even though a lot a people probably prayed for me and i wish i could shake there hand each or say thanks. or know that i appreciated it. I think real people and I am very sorry for people if read this later wonder why had weird and bad last week. I have been having migraines, some blood pressure issues i tried always to deal with. I have sometimes always talked to myself now i will but not as much. If you are home alone alot and listen to noise
Bad being having to work while praying and talking to myself and dealing sometimes Noise was talking back. the Noise was sometimes a A Saintly priest. Carnal, a friend name Waly and Nice couple name Lori and Arnold , A little kid wanting to see its family or my family or lost retaliative through my eyes or maybe i was over hearing others spiritual conversations. I also realized that if you talk at the same time as noise it can be be a positive thing also. You can make noise say Jesus loves you. Your a smart person or a negative emotions to so be warned not to believe anything it says or fallow its directions like go to church and push a any code and get into the 24/hour chapel Being prayed for because i mistaken or felt mistakenly put myself and friends on a chronically ill and needing prayers list. Or felt weird and felt i had to do it. I thought i might have problems with my body but did did think my spirit has issues as well. It being needing a refreshed lot but i forgot that praying for others and doing good deeds is like a constant refreshing of it and makes you feel better too. But i did pray lot prayers for different people before i went to sleep. I prayed a lot. I pray for people i like, people i want to meet, people whom lost their way or people i fear and people that need a hug in prayer form sometimes when they have a bad day at home/work or just say hi. I didn’t think i needed prayers as well. I still did stupid things like play lotto, watch naughty stuff occasionally read and watch allot interesting stuff online. I believe you can use filter on computer but the brain in the person is last and only reliable filter/ chooser of information good or negative because You (sometimes your parents) have to make a choice to read or watch or possibly goof off or get a education ( positive or negative) using computer or Internet or phone or book or bible.
The priest mentions a list lot. It might be a list i put my self on by birth, a dream or by accident by doing good deeds or by not working hard enough to change my life. I am not one for religious experiences. I am christian by birth but not most staunch believer but around end of march beginning April in around 2011. I been praying for my friends. I always prayed for people before. I will continue praying for people and spirits and entities. I prayed for my friends entities and did not know if they were real but something i had as a gift during my life my touch per-say or gift. It may be with me it may be curse but all means how it is applied. I also noticed how you look at this way. You can always see a symbol of head phone jack or turn it upside its a smile.I always felt weird things like someone touching on shoulder and warmth that was unknown or maybe a dog or cat on bed when there wasn’t a dog or cat not present. I took my friend to Wal-Mart and while talking and watching him deal with things. He a great guy need a little help and gave it to him through rides and such and he paid his way. He called them his god and holy (but he used other names and i will not use for I need to still ask for permission. He stayed in my suv / car and looked like was looking at something sometimes we went places and he call to them. I did know if they were real or not. But after a while, I deduce they might be real. I did not know if they were demonic or not or mislead spirits or he was seeing things. He had a ruff 4-6 years and i came along last two years. Anyway i pick up a Spiritual Warfare book that i was given. I started praying with it but i realized later i should have just a Bible or found a priest and ask for advice in scriptures. I also prayed for Divine intervention because my friend had been homeless like me before for being not good with money skills. We both were living in great place and it was low cost and different apartments. He was treating people using its name and later me and another that help him sometimes. After time i lost being a good friends and was just a friend that thought praying was good for him. I still do pray for others and him. i went to another church with my dad on morning also. I pickup some prayer booklets there as well. I pray for him there also and others. I had also a friend what lost his way addictions and other sickness due to unknown issues so that is why i put them on list without there consent but i also after going through part of this and how the carnal put it to me i asked to be taken on and off this list on merit instead. I did not know if it was merited. I talked a priest after morning mass at my local church and he said it was merited and shared only with him and other priest. I really appreciated it. He talked about previous Sunday about the guy that fell into the well and good sermian and and how he took care of stranger and paid for place to stay ect. I also the night before had a dream of falling into well or falling off some stairs into water.(Very strange but very true). I don’t want to be a priest but i do believe as people we have to help our fellow man. I help when i can but also have learn to say no and redirect people to the proper help. The serman was also about a lady that was fighting a real hard illness and also a wanting to join our church family. The priest was really proud of her. I felt bad about putting my self on possibly this list and went to take my self and others put on it off at church that night when i heard this. She was dieing of possible cancer or other unknown disease. I didn’t make it and the priest read it I guess but i really don’t know. ( But i do know he did and it helped or didn’t). I was walking out and wanted to check and see if it was ok i put on it but got/helped my dad to the car and the church was closed then. I thought about going the next day after a night of torment by noise and even other guy and my scifi views too (Religious views+ things i watch + scifi + books i read+ radio shows i listen + being open to new things and scared of hateful spirits and Charlie Daniels song i listened to growing up as adult( d went down to Georgia f S to steal)( Charlie D also produces alot Religious music i listened to to counter this also. . The Carnal was mad about me putting myself on this list. He acted really pissed and excited. I didn’t think i need it after that. (Carnal + Serman + Lady story but also i forgot that we need help sometime in our own life. I could not get rid of this from every where it came. He or butch different them fallowed me all week. I used a bible method of giving a bible to a negative voice tell voice was gone. Telling me i was list was powerful thing but I realized peoples prayers are what is the powerful thing after this. He mention both sided have access to list. But i believe that list he talked about was Jesus and D have access to what deed and actions and prayers you do good or negative or on merit .He played me and even convinced me to go to church and pray and he would let me in me in but the door refused to open. I did not think it would work but i coned. I was convinced i was going little crazy but i was at time had few good people and even spirits praying for me also looking over my shoulder making sure i know that i was loved also and both sides of the alley per-say.
writing update while heap voice in the frigurator and when its off high or no compressor it goes to next noise airconditioner then to my laptop or computer desktop fan basically does stop unless i talk to a interesting person or person i love and do no fear i don’t hear it when i talk to mark or sometimes with rick. mark was told to me by the voices when i started i called voices voices then called it wei and now i stick with wei.. or voices i use to hear it call me bastard or you bastard even thought of buying domains you bastard or bastard or voicesinc.com or voicesaregood.com tam (they were a little nicer after vocesaregood was my password) or demonlawyer.com . i did not register any of the domains but i wanted to maybe when i get my tax income..I talked to payee for david hunt after i found that he was homeless and he was recieving a check from socal security to payee and she had over 4 grand in saving not paying for him a place (I did get her to get him a hair cut and dinner and a place to eat breakfest at blue front but i think he screw that up and did get him a winter –back story I was his payee for 3 months of hell and heaven –mostly hell because i type with voice but also with my own voice hard explain. david i am sorry for him but i think i did i good job keeping him not homeless and i am doing a good job keeping me not homeless now because voices say they don’t care about alot and say the do care about alot..i just choose my best decisions best for me. (sometimes they call me the host (that funny and not funny (i think its funny) i went to school for networking pcs and work as cashier..lol .they agreed i turning on music now,,,
i been using meditation with music and without and i can cause them to be quiet with meditation only with complete scince with no noise or little noise say in car or in apartment with my firdge and aircondition on low but on i even screwed up with my fridge be off for 2 days because i was happy with it off no voices ( i notice it with red light and did relize the red light because vault that occured to my interior of my appartment not my computer or other stuff effected i feel stupid that i didn’t relize the light wasn’t on fridge it was off i noticed it and noticed all meat defreausted and threw it away but this happened after i was thinking about eating some really all food in fridge that frozen but been there for over 6 months . I need to get to bed it takes about a hr or so. I wish, I had updated this every week with my changes.. I did survive the the back to school rush and black friday horor schudule at work but sometimes it hard to work disable but not disable at work. I been writen up at least 1 or 2 for this.. once with i had problems with voices and twice when i took Dr. Norrid medicine.. i am going to take my meds with me i guess i don’t need too scince i think they took video of it when dr carizo drove in with the cart. if not i guess i screwed. when the voices are completely quite i do get touches that i had while trying to sleep for all my life or after my car wreck in 2006 maybe earlier because i get heat and cold scinations every once in while while trying to sleep. i once thought i had tumors or something because of wifi or somthing because i had crazy dreams and i think some dreams are people that i meet and some of what my life is like at the time of dream and alot is justa dream(and this alot is justa dream comes now today not 5 years ago.) I saw mark as i came home from work and today i am ok going only once in a while to his church use to go weekly sometimes i made it t0 4 mases i went to mark and st. marys alot when this start it was during lent. i don’t know if i had this because work or being passed over In my mind at work or reading millionare in mirror at salvation army or stress due to life changes and getting older dealing with rick and david and friends along the way. time to sleep so printing and hoping it does sound to wierd for consleler and dr tomarrow..